sell my secrets for a buck

30 October

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So this is my life, and I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be

I'm insane, I don't know what I want out of life, and this scares me senseless. I hate when people think they know me because they dont. I don't even know me. I jump to conclusions, I assume the worst. I have a hard time showing affection so don't get offended. Don't stare at me, it's fucking creepy but i'll hate you if you ignore me. Yes you are being judged, in the worst fucking way possible, it is your job to change my mind. I don't trust - at all. If I do trust you, don't fuck that up. It can take me over 2 years to trust someone I'm friends with, or together with. I have many flaws. I am rude to people before they can be rude to me, so I purposely give them a reason to hate on me, other than looking at my real flaws. Huge bitch. "Dirty mind" is an understatement of the century. I've got more insecurities than there are stars in the sky, my insecurities could eat me alive, and believe me they are doing a good job. I hate the fucking phone, its makes me nervous, and I feel like im bothering the person on the other end. Unless I'm drunk. Don't give me a cell phone if I'm drunk. I'll probably have mine - its practically superglued to my hand. I am single... be my prince charming? Being alone is the worst thing for me. I'm a true city girl – country just is not for me. I want to change the world, or at least people's lives day by day. Bugs and insects are a killer for me – I go into extreme panic mode. I'm really ditzy, but far from dumb. I'm very stubborn, I'm spoiled; I always get what I want. Deal. I'm strong but I get hurt really easily. Doesn't change the fact that I'm upfront, obnoxious, brutally honest and able to stand up for myself, though. I run away from my problems, no matter how trivial they may be. I tend to be a drama queen with a major side of perfectionist. I'm bad at making decisions; I'm very impatient. I'm very emotional and that is just how I deal. As big as my heart is, I do hold grudges and will stay angry for a while; vengeance is a bad thing with me – I love payback if you screwed me over. Promises mean a lot to me & I HATE when people break them. I strive to be in what my eyes consider perfect. I love my life & I truly believe sometimes I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I think life is the prettiest thing people can get once they establish a sense of balance and happiness – but I am still working on getting myself there.